Nobody notices the contrast of white on white...

Well again for the second day running, I'm sitting in the computer room during my lunch break... Doing work? Obviously not, I'm just writing another blog complaining about life. (yawn) Today, so far, has been pretty crappy. It's been another one of those days where everything just tells you, you shouldn't have left your bed this morning. Would you like me to talk you through my dull, frustrating day?
Tough I'll do it anyway!
This morning I woke up absolutly freezing, the spare room even filled from floor to ceiling with my rubbish is still absolutely freezing. At first I thought I must have left the window open, but after peering through the curtains the double-glazed window were firmly closed and locked.
After mustering enough energy to crawl from my slightly warm bed in to the artic conditions of the room I suffered a nosebleed! WTF!
This somewhat increased my urgency to get to the bathroom, to avoid as little drippage as possible. (Not that it matters, as the house is a bombsite as it is.)
After stemming the bleeding I took a shower, which left me with one minute to pack my bag, get dressed have breakfast and brush my teeth... All of which I managed, just about, apart from getting anything to eat.
At school things did little to improve, I spent registration with the big UCAS book in front of me after, on the bus, having an inspiration to teach... adding another possibility to the list of courses I could potentially do. I have two weeks from today to be sorted with my uni stuff!
After the blank staring and random page turning, I moved to the canteen with Claire and Will to sit and do maths homework for 50 minutes.
After break we had chemistry, with no teacher and tons of work to keep us occupied. I didn’t finish the first part (out of six) and I got confused and angry with the second set of questions.

* * *

Its now 9 hours since I started this post... the buzzer cut it short. Its now (23:09)

I don't think I can be bothered to complete it... however the bad streak continued, with the E-TopUp machine broken in the shop, another nose bleed (WTF! x 2) and the loss of a pound on a scratch card, this carried on until lesson 5 when history started. It’s was a good laugh, first time I’d smiled all day. I really enjoy the subject and I really don’t want to drop it. Sadly I think I may have to.

Tonight I haven’t done much... Ok to be honest I’ve done nothing. I'm complaining about all this work, but I’ve sat here all evening and not even looked at my school bag, let alone open it! I just couldn’t face it tonight. I've also not been in all evening, I've been driving all over the show being the family taxi. I had to take my brother and his friend to club NRGY in town, then take my mum to a meal in Hepworth. After a few peaceful hours on my own, with very little entertainment, only Friday night TV, I went to collect my brother. I've just got back from my final journey tonight (12.15) having picked my mother up.

I've got to go shooting tomorrow, I don’t really want to I have better things to do, but I can't really sat no at this late stage... cadets again is annoying me. Tomorrow I have to get all of Claire’s presents and things sorted for her Birthday in 5 days time! I also need to get my mum something for her birthday... My bank balance isn't going to like this month one bit!

No ones talking to me on the net so i'm going to bed, i'm really tired acctually...

The sweetness will not be concerned with me...

God Damn it I'm annoyed! Just want to go and... do something! Actually what I want to do is pack my rucksack up, driver over to Claires house, get her to pack some things then just drive of to Wales! Just like we did in July, when we're together I have nothing to worry about when I'm with her, life is just fantastically simple and easy. Shes all on her own baby sitting someone's kids, I wish I was there too...

At the moment I'm sitting in the tiny, shitty spare room, with most of my life and belongings crammed into it. Its so depressing, theres barley any room at all! On the good side though, my wall was knocked down today and it really makes a difference to my room. I cant wait till I can move back in, I'm going to go mental in here!

I really am stressed at the moment. I have piles of things on my plate, cadets-wise the whole promotion things is annoying me, then ontop of that I'm tasked with sorting and ordering ACP's for which I have no time and I also have to sort out D of E campsite and price up and work out all the model group things! I've also lost my parade shoes which is causing no end of headaches. Then in school Uni choices are my biggest worry, and I really truly don't know what to do, and it's getting scary. I'm also doing to many subjects and have to much work to do and just physically no time to do it all in. At home things are pretty crappy too, the whole house is a building start for a site, which after a while really drags you down. James is always being a right shit and thats really winding me up. Now to cap it off, I'm stuck in this tiny room until God know when. I also on the side am worried about Claire's birthday, which I really haven't so far put much thought into.

The very large plus is the way me and Claire are going. Everything is fantastic at the moment. I couldn't help but smile when Matt today said "You've really got a catch there" and I do, not ever letting this one go!

What happening soon... erm... Supposed to be going shooting on Saturday with a party in the evening. In between now and tomorrow I have a book to read and tons of note to make, from now and Monday I have an essay to write, then I have until Tuesday night to get Claire's presents and card and everything sorted! 'Holy Shit!'

Really really need a holiday...

I'm going to try and sleep now, but with the noise of the water heater and a 101 worries, its going to be a struggle.

Night all...

Love is the answer to most of the questions in my heart...

I have the best girlfriend in the world! Go me!

Yesterday was great, I went home with Clairey after school and we popped into town, we arrived in town with a few things to buy and left with nothing. The wasted trip was cancelled out by the most excellent evening we had. We had decided to go out for a meal for a five month anniversary, five months!! We got Claire's mum to take us to the Duke of Mulburugh, it was such a perfect evening, we sat opposite each other nosing out delicious food and just talking about everything and nothing at the same time, it's really amazing how we just talk. :-) We both absolutely stuffed ourselves, I had the Mulburugh Grill, now that's a hell of a lots of meat! Clairey had a very posh cod and chips. We both had puds which neither of us could finish, Clairey had a Chocolate Sundae and I had a homemade Lemon Meringue. To show how full the two of us were by the end of the meal, we both left our drinks, I left half a pint!! Now that has to be a sin or something!! Claire mum took us back home where we promptly passed out in Claire's tiny bed!

Today has also been pretty fun, after school we headed to my house to empty the contents of my room in to the tiny spare room. There is logic to this however, in a previous post some weeks ago I mentioned about my room being extended by knocking down a daft wall, well it should be happening in the very near future. I couldn't get over how much junk I have, there's not any room to swing a cat in this new room, the worst part is I still have loads of things to go in! I'm going to have to climb in the window to get to bed!

We headed here, Claires house, after deciding we were to hungry to carry on sorting my life out. We stopped of for fish & chips on the way home and quickly devoured them. Now comes the really kool bit of today! Guess what I just spent the last hour and a half doing!? Give up?! I just pape-mached Claires breasts, and all in the name of education! It's really amazing to what media 'Fasion Textiles' stretches. It was really good fun, kept us smiling. I'll post some pictures of this brilliant event on here later.

Right I'm of for some Saurus and Clairey time... ;-)

Cause this life is to short...

Bloody Hell!!! I'm smiling, while sitting here on my lonesome! God I'm happy at this moment in time. I'm talking to a few people online who I've not spoken to for ages. Kristy's online, who works at Thorpe Woodlands with me and Marc. She's such a laugh, miss her and Thorpe, but hey this summers gonna be awesome when we're all back together! I've got cadets tonight so I'm going to have to poke of soon and get ready!

chow!...

The night will go on...

I'm quite cold in my room at the moment, even though my mum just came in and complained how hot it is! I don't think I'm quite 100% at the moment, in any respect, body or mind. I've had this bloody cold since Thursday and it now really beginning to get on my wick!

Enough wingeing from me... Well for the time being anyway. This weekends not been to bad. Its been quite nice actually. Friday night Clairey came over to stay which was fun, I really can't see enough of her at the moment. We started Claire's blog which i've wanted her to do for ages, as she has. I hope she keeps it up to date. Saturday I spent wargaming at the village hall, I'm not getting into it but its a lil' more interesting that you think. At about 7.30 my beautiful girlfriend came over again, and Marc turned up about and hour later. It was a good evening, just chatting. After we said bye to Marc (whose now at uni), me and Claire headed to bed, we we're having a great time until I did something really really stupid and hurt my poor baby! (I'm soooo sorry baby, MWAH). This morning Claire disappeared of to work and I went up to Honington for Wing rugby trials. It wasn't to bad actually, I'm so unfit at the moment, I was nearly dead after 20 minutes, I felt how I imagine a smoker on 20 a day feels. But miraculously I was selected to represent Norfolk and Suffolk which I was quite chuffed with. I did however receive a sturdy stud to the calf which has cause considerable limpage!

Everything is getting very close at the moment... What do I mean by everything? Well the important stuff (not cadets) in chronological order:

- Tuesday is our five month anniversary, Five months already! Who'd of thought?! hehe

- The 5th of October is Claire's birthday, which although I have got her presents, I just know its nothing compared to the things she's got me.

- The 15th of October is my 18th birthday, now that's scary!

- The 15th also is, somewhat ironically, the day our UCAS stuff has to be entered by, I still haven't got a clue what I'm going to do!

Right it's again gonna be another late night for me so i'm of to bed...

P.S - Please leave comments if you read my blog, Thanks.

Its the simple things...

*Sniff* ... I have a cold, a sore throat and my nose won't stop running! I was fine until I woke up this morning. I guess my white blood cells are effected by excessive alcohol consumption, turning my body into a Petri dish for cold bacteria! My back has also been sufficiently displaced in my sleep to give me a very uncomfortable day. Ash's massaging at lunch partially helped but I'm hoping Claire can fix me right up!!

Today seemed to drag on so slowly, my last lesson, History, seemed to drag on the most. I looked at the clock at 3:25, and after what I thought was about 15 minutes of reading I looked back only to see that the time had moved to 3.27!

Claire is going to be here in a minute so I'll leave you all to your own devices.

So take this wine and drink with me...

Well I'm not long home. I was down the pub with all my best mates getting a little ratted! lol. I was pretty far gone after two and half, but Will buying me a vodka and coke did it for me! It was a really good evening and a great way to say goodbye to Marc! I'm really gona miss that guy! At least he's not too far away!!! I'm a little more sober now, but not enough to write coherently for a sustained length of time, so I'm of to bed now.

Night all.... Love ya!

I used to live alone before I knew you...

Blimey its again nearly a week since I've had the time or maybe the patients to write a post. Life's not been fantastically amazing at the moment but everything seems to be plodding on with a relative smoothness. The weekend was a disappointment, I again left a gorgeous female in my bed while I left early for yet another cadet activity, this weekend it was a two day canoe expedition on the River Stour. It should have been a great weekend, another classic cadet weekend to reminisce about in years to come. It was however, for the most part dull and tedious, and I would rather have been at home chipping away at my growing mountain of homework, than sitting in a canoe facing the back of a 55 year old man for 6 hours each day. Oh well the evening was better, if only mildly more entertaining, cards in a tent with Em, Iain, Andy and a small bottle of whisky. While the other ***ks not mentioning any names disappeared down the pub. There was a slight air of sadness, we all had to say goodbye to JJ, well until Christmas anyway. He's now left for uni aswell, I'm gona miss that guy.

This weeks main theme, slash, worry are the fast approaching birthdays. Mine is in 25 days and Claires in 15! Claire already know what shes getting me and has started to purchase my presents, but I'm still not sure what to get her! I have some great ideas but money is bit of an issue. Things between us are great at the moment though, even though we're both tired we just seem to keep each other smiling.

I watched the program 'No sex please, we're teenagers' tonight, it was quite interesting. I don't think we could go 5 months without any, deffinatly not after today anyway. It did prove howeever, the correlation between the number tracksuit wearing chavs and the amount of underage sex! This all got me thinking about me and Claire, (as everything does) how everything between us is so fluid and natural, I have regrets and things I wish I could change, but life is good and you can't live a life on "If's and But's". We just need to live for the present, because the past is nasty and the future is scary...

Do I even dare to speak? -- To dream? -- Believe?

I'm of to bed... I've had a very good chat with Alex tonight, just to try and get some things in focus. I have to apologize to Claire for being grumpy, I'm just concerned, and things will be fantastic after these two weeks.
I've tried to sort my life out tonight, well in respect to university. I think one possible reason I've been putting it of, if only subconsciously, is the fact that I will be leaving Claire for long periods of time. Especially if I follow a career in the RAF... It doesn't matter though, we have our whole lives to plan out and we can make everything work, we'll get our ducks and chickens...

I'm yours Claire forever and whenever you need me.

The world passes by in my summer, our last summer...

Mmmm... Malteasers... I'm going to make myself fat! Oh well until that happens I'll keep eating! What's been happening in my mundane uninteresting and somewhat dull life lately? Well I'm back in the full flow of school life again, very boring so I won't go on about it.
Sunday was the Wing swimming competition which was quite a good laugh and we even came away with some medals and trophies, which wasn't bad considering 4 of us were some what suffering from hangovers from a few drinks coupled with a very late night.
I'm still not over the moon about Claire's working arrangements for these two weeks but there nothing I can do about it only worry, which doesn't do anyone any good. So I'll try and forget about it.
On a good note I'm away this weekend on a canoe trip down the river Stour, hopefully it'll be fun, shame there are so many juniors going. It'll be JJ's last exped for a while now he's unofficially left cadets. I can't believe how quick this time of year has come, everyone's of to uni... Life will be strange without Marc or JJ to call up for a drink or a chat, I'm really going to miss these guys there like my best mates.

Canada 2004 - Some very near and dear friends here.

I'm really stressing at the moment about what I'm going to do next year, It's really hard trying to decide what you want to do for the next 3 or 4 years of your life!

Right I'm of to bed it's getting rather late.

Somebody told me you had a boyfriend...

I want to rant and moan! But i don't really know what about... I'm tired so i'm thinking bout all that stuff that anoys me, i'm getting better though, I don't get as down about it. I'm really worried about Claire at the moment, shes really down and nobody is helping the situation. I just want to cuddle up to her and make her feel safe. The next two weeks are gona be hell for her and not to great for me, is the money really worth all the stress?

I need to go to sleep now... night all...

Yeah the truth is, That I miss you so...

Well as the last few fleeting hours of freedom slip by... I wonder how this year is going turn out. The last was possibly the best ever with some wicked things happening to me, I think I'll remember this year forever...
I'm really not looking forward to going back though, I haven't even started the term and I have a load of work to do. I'm sure I'll cope, I normally do... The biggest thing on my mind and more frequently entering my thoughts is what the fuck am I going to do next year, I'm really screwed up at the moment with my grades and I'm so undecided in what I want to do with my life. It's not good.

Today was quite a nice final day for the holidays, I took Will home this morning before I went to Claires. In the afternoon we decided to go to Cambridge to do some shopping, I was after some new sunnies but didn't find any that suited me... So Claire got herself a little something and we came home with just enough time to for me to get some food and go to cadets. I got a bit annoyed at Claire coming home, it was undeserved but it just made me cross at the time. I'm just not going to enjoy being with her for the next two weeks... I'm sure everything will be ok though.

It was really good to chat with Will last night, had a lot to catch up with could have done with a bit of extra sleep though...

I'm off, got another early morning tomorrow...

All the small things...

Ever had one of those days you feel has been total waste? Well so far today has been like that. I was awoken at the un godly hour of 6.45 this morning by my mobile phone alarm whining at me, i dragged myself out of may wonderfully warm soft bed leaving a beutifull, sexy, naked girl to have a shower. As soon as I was out of bed everything was telling me to give up and fall back to sleep, i walked to the door and as i opened it i stubbed my fecking toe, then in the shower, the shower head decided to break and sprey a jet of water over the top of the shower door all along the poxy bathroom wall... After kissing Claire goodbye and letting her fall back asleep in my nice warm, comfy, cosy, snuglly bed i crawlled into the car to be taken to Tescos where we were being picked up by a mini-bus. We arrived at Whitering by 9.30 and had a nice long wait in the hot sun until 12.30 when the Air Recce comp acctuually started, after 20 minutes struggling through the test we had another 3 hours to wait for the final parade which was an utter shammbles! I finally got home at about 7.30 12 hours from when i left in the morning! Now that is a waste of a day! Will came over a drink and a chat at about 8.00, and he's still here so i'll stop writting and blog another time...

Claire's Post...

To my gorgeous sexy frankasaurus rex,
It’s Sunday. You’ve gone to town and had to leave me in bed alone. Poo. I should be going to work soon but I’d much rather have stayed here all day with you. I was talking to Waldoe whilst getting breaky, he said he likes your bottom but socks are much better. I disagreed. Tea is too hot to drink and I need to go. Love you lots and lots
Clairey xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx MWAH xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dream a little dream of me...

Hey well I've had another very slow lazy day... Have tons of history reading to do, its really interesting just... reading takes concentration and over the holidays my attention span has reduced to that of a goldfish on prozac. My highlight of today though, was Claire popping over for a few minutes on her way home from work. It was great to see her, and made better cause it was a complete surprise. I'm of to town tomorrow to have lunch with my baby and hopefully collect my climbing harness that I asked JJ to order for me over a month ago!

Right bed time now...

That loving feeling...

I'm sitting at my computer chair and very oddly I'm facing a different way from my computer screen. But there is a reason, I have my gorgeous girlfriend falling asleep in my bed next to me, so the kind considerate boyfriend that I am, I'm using her laptop rather than my old steam engine of a 'personal computer'.
Of which I am usually slaving at while writing my most inner feelings as I pollute the world with soot and hamster droppings from the ancient machine.

Anyhoo... Yesterday morning Claire turned up at my house just as I was getting into the shower, Anyway a few hours later I was ready and we were on our way to Walsham. After collecting the key we headed of to the Church, I was less excited by our mission than I had previously been, but once in the church, my excitement grew. You will all, every single one of you in unison say "Right..." when I tell what we went to do but I found it bloody interesting. Claire has set herself a sort of challenge in finding out about these group of people who rang one of the first recorded peals in Walsham church. In the tower of the church, up the stairs in the belfry around the windows, all over the place, ringers have carved or written there names. So we were recoding the names and dates trying to find some matches to the first ringers. We had names from as early as 1627, now that's old, so being a history student that is why I got excited. After recording a lot of the names we sneaked up onto the roof of the tower, and what an awesome sight. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and so you could see for miles... Me and Claire planned to come back... as we didn't get time to finish recording the names...

After leaving the church we rushed of to Ixworth for me to renew some massively overdue books and to have a spot of lunch. I can highly recommend the cafe on the high street, just the cakes were a little over priced. After a very relaxing sit in the sun having a quite chat over bacon sarnies and vanilla milkshakes we headed back to Walsham to pick up all of Claire textiles stuff as she would be staying at mine for the next few days and had a mountain of work to do like me, but she unlike me has the drive to do it.

In the evening we walked down the road to the Bull to finally have a meal, as the last two times we haven't been able to. It was really nice actually, just us in there all night and Franky waitoring on us which was quite comical. We just sat and chatted all evening, about a lot of things but sadly we got talking about our pasts... Claire learned some things about me and I learned some things about her... I really wished we'd not got onto the topic but as we had I wanted to know more things. Learning about the past didn't bother me that much, it was just talking about the one person that always gets me... So we both left the pub in thoughtful moods...

We got up very late today, but even though we had plans the day sort of fell apart and we haven't left the house all day. We had planned to go to the beach with JJ and everyone for his party but the leaving time moved from 2 to 4 which meant there wouldn't be much of the sun left to enjoy once we we're there. Claire was feeling a bit under the weather and we both had work to do, her a textile project and me a load of reading for my history project. So in the end we just stayed in trying to make the best of being stuck inside in the hot weather. The highlight of today was probably watching TopGun before we came to bed. So all in all not a fantastic day but hey we were together...

I can't leave without saying something about how beautiful a peaceful she looks asleep in my bed... Shame I can't watch her all night... I really did miss her while she was away... Don't know what'll happen next year...

I'm going to join Claire in bed know and try to get some shut eye...

I just want to say something else before I go, Don't groan! It is now September 1st 2005. I'm nearly 18, where the bloody hell is all the time going!! I only started blogging my life last December its almost a year! So much has happened in these two years, more than anything in my the previous 15... Just something for me to think about and you lots to go, 'Hmmmm... why is he telling me this?'

The second thing is I sat watching the news today with Claire, and looking at the damage and destruction in America it leaves you thinking... I believe we're the last generation without huge worries in our lives. Our children are going to suffer and there children, it won't be the same place in 100 years time. Yet we all sit here doing nothing, even the ones that realize we're dooming the planet...

Just makes you think doesn't it?