Why can’t we pantomime, just close our eyes...

Why am I getting wound up so easily!?, Why am I getting on a hell of a lot better with some people than others at the moment!?, Why am I not making an effort!?
I just feel generally angry and resentful right now. I want to say 'Fuck it!' to everything and just disappear of somewhere. Go somewhere with a mate and just relax and talk. Sunday was brilliant, Emma spent most of the day at mine, we just chatted the whole time, the day just vanished, before we knew it, it was nine o'clock and time to take her home. However much I love Claire and how much I love talking to her, it was nice just to talk to someone else about there life and here there views on things.

I'm getting very irritable around Claire, only at school really. I hate it, I really hate it, but I just can't help myself. I know it hurts her, but when I'm felling crappy I just find myself spiraling into a hole rather than being brought out of it. I hate myself for it. Everything thing that doesn't go just how I want it to digs at me. For example, I wanted to take Claire out for her birthday, but her mum wants to take her. So Tuesday nearly a week after her birthday is the nearest day I can take her out. God know why but that really wound me up today. The whole birthday thing is to much hassle...
I've had some really good thing happen in the last couple of days, and I've been in quite a good mood this evening and on and of over the weekend. But at the moment I'm tired and grouchy and can't be bothered to talk about them.

I'm going to bed to try and clear my head... I know it won't work...

Actually that picture has calmed me a little, looking through those east coast photos may even have put a small smile on my face... I like life then.

Sorry Claire xxx