Hear the voice that soothes away the pain...

Well its 6 months to the night that an exceptionally upset friend of mine came knocking at my door looking for someone to cry to and talk to. I don’t think I’ll forget opening the door to her in floods of tears and wrapping her up in my arms. She didn’t want to go home that night so stayed in my bed while I slept on the floor, but in the ended we spent that first night asleep in each other’s arms, snuggled up in my bed…

Today however there was no celebration, treat or memorable event for either of us. It was actually a very bland day, which I feel really bad about. I’m shattered after my D of E and after an appalling nights sleep I just didn’t feel like doing anything but sit and stare. We went to town and brought some bits for my room and some things for Claire, then had lunch out before coming home. Claire suggested going to the coast in the afternoon, but I was too tired and we had left it a bit late in the day to go so we ended up getting to mine and not doing not very much, we did eventually put a film on, and just crashed in my room. After tea and a couple of games of cards between us, we decided to plan my new room, and with new double bed arriving tomorrow it shouldn’t be too long before I’m back in, I can’t wait! Claire went home at about 9.30, which was really crap, as I had really wanted to spend the night with her on our anniversary. She has to go to this party thing that starts at some stupid time meaning that she couldn’t stay at mine. Oh well she’s coming over tomorrow evening and staying till Saturday for our second full day together of this short half term…

I’m shattered, so I’m going to publish this then go to bed, night all…

And I stumble and fall...

Was anyone wondering where I'd been the last few days? No... Oh well... I'll tell you anyway, and try not to bore you to death in doing so!

*Post under construction*

There was just one at the top of a pile of one million...

The weeks been generally quite quiet, un eventful, just how I like them! I had Monday of as I was shattered and ill, Tuesday was a struggle as I was still ill. I'm a dedicated student so I soldiered on and I cant really remember the rest of the week.

Why cant I have a completely stress free easy week? Anyone got and answer or do I bring it upon myself?

Thursday was the start of the downhill part.
Anyway Milly was supposed to have turned up to school with printed route cards for D of E, but she hadn't finished, then she turned up to cadets an hour and half late, an hour and twenty minutes after the officer in charge had left, so I got it in the neck from him. Now 3 days on still she refuses to email the stuff to me. So tomorrow it looks like me and Emma are going to have to do everything from scratch I also have a ton of other things to do tomorrow as well, so I'm going to be running around like a blue arsed fly! Oh by the way the weather is set to shite for Monday Tuesday and Wednesday, so look forward to a nice cold, grumpy post on Wednesday!

Last night I went baby sitting with Claire, I was annoyed when she turned up and said we had to leave early cause she was ringing, meaning I had to go and look after the kids before Claire turned up. I wouldn't have minded had I had some prior warning, especially with all the work I need to do on the house! But once we got together had some food and got the kids in bed everything was fine, and we just snuggled the evening away... :-)

This morning Claire had to go to the ridiculous ringing thing, that I shan't talk about cause I'll rant (more), so she took me home bout 9ish. She came over at about 2.30 to help me paint my room, I'd been doing it all morning and when Claire turned up I was bored and concentrating on my own thought so wasn't very talkative. I feel bad about it, but I do like to listen to music and let the 'shit' flow through my grey matter.

Right I'm of to beddy bies... Night all...

To help me find a place that's best, Where I can lay my arm to rest...

Well it's a week since my actual birthday, so no better time than to pull my finger out my arse and tell all you wonderful people what eventful things happened on that momentous weekend, that was my 18th!

Thursday I guess I got my first present, I was promoted to sergeant at cadets, which is good cause I don't have to leave, but its a shame I'm being promoted because of age over my ability. Oh well at least I still have an excuse not to get a proper job!

Friday was really nice, just a quiet pleasant evening, we (being mum, James and Claire) all trundled up to Aunty Margaret's and Uncle Malcolm's to have a Chinese with them and my cousins Pete and Les and there partners Nicki and Kev. Baby Jack was there as well, as he's not quite old enough to cook for himself. As I said it was just a very pleasant evening, the usual family jokes, chat and just a sensible amount of alcohol. Claire stayed over so she could wake me up on my birthday.
I also got my birthday cake from nan, and what a cake! I've never seen so much chocolate in a box!! It was bloody gorgeous, I'm sure there are laws about the amount of calories in one mouthful!!!

So Saturday, the 'Big Day'... It was pretty good, considering my so-called father turned up at 8.00am with my present from him and mum. I'm not going to complain though, it was an awesome digital camera, and I’m quite sure your going to see many, many pictures from it! After a bit of a lye in and getting up a slightly more sensible hour, I went downstairs to open my cards, presents form mum and the 18 Claire had got me! I got loads of cool stuff, including a wierdfish shirt from mum along with DVD's and not forgetting my camera. Claire got me loads of great things and some slightly more interesting. I loved the bottle of MooseHead she got shows how thoughtful she is! She also gave me two great pictures of the pair of us, a lava lamp (how cool is that!), she made me some things like a cushion to go in my room (when its done) and a naughty deed chequebook (should be fun). And of course my two most important presents, the Band of Brothers DVD boxset (drool!) and a car!!!(hehe)

After opening my great gifts we headed of to town to get all the bits for my party. After raiding Tescos and spending near £50 we were on our way back home... following a short spell at home we were of back into town to get an XD card for my camera! After lots of frantic searching we found one in Argos for just over £40. So I spent almost £100 including the cover I brought for my phone that turned out to be wrong. After getting home we had time to start making pizzas for the party and halfway through the first people arrived Andy and Will shortly followed bout everyone else. By 8.30 we had a houseful of people and a fridge full of beer, loud music, jokes, banter, drinking and flirting on all parts... Strange since there were only 3 girls to 9 guys. Everything was going great until a certain incident, but we’ll try not to dwell on that. Emma was so drunk, she ended up soaking my crotch with carling and I ended up liking cake of her fingers... very bizarre!

Everyone woke up early Sunday and I regrettably left Claire in bed. After everyone disappeared I cleaned up, amazingly in quite a short time considering the number of drinks spilt, probably due to the lack of carpets! Claire took me to canoeing and I joined everyone at lunch. It was a good crack, the sun shone, and I didn't have to do much, just show of and rescue Peter Brinkley several times!
Afterward Marc took me back to Walsham so I could see Claire, but I was tired and really i'll so went home and slept from 9 till 11.30 on Monday! It gave me a nice relaxing day at home at least, which I thoroughly needed.

Well there we go, I'll add some pics later...

Bringing in the new sound....

Well I’m in a pretty dam good mood this morning! Last night was amazing! It was just fantastic. Claire came over mine after work and we got ready to go out for her birthday meal. It was a fantastic evening, we went to Nazaar the new Turkish place in town. I'd recommend it to anyone, the food was gorgeous, reasonably priced, and the staff were really nice. After stuffing our faces we went next door to the One Bull for a very quick drink before my mum picked us up. By the time mum turned up we were both pretty tipsy and the pair of us were feeling rather naughty! We got back, quickly wrapped mums presents and jumped into bed together! Its was just a fantastic night, I love being with Claire so much more out of school than in school, because in school I have things to worry about.
It was mums birthday today and we gave her, her presents which she loved, she really like the painting me and Clairey did, it's going to look so cool in the living room!
I can't wait till this weekend, its going to be amazing, we're going out for my birthday meal Friday, then its my birthday Saturday and I get to open all my presents, I can't wait to see what Claire’s got me, she keeps teasing me!!! Then it's my party, I hope it goes alright, could be interesting!
I think another thing that’s keeping me happy is knowing I don't have to do maths anymore, as I dropped it today. So I’ll have more time to do work in my other lessons and then get good grades and be less stressed. Wooooo! Better late than never! 'ey?

Right I have history work to do....



I just realised this was my 100th post!! Blimey i've been bloging for exactly 10 months and 12 days! I wonder for how long it will carry on?

While im young and while I'm able, All I wanna do is...

(start 18.31, 8/10/05)
Right this is going to be a bit of a catchup post... I've blogged quite a lot recently, but not about the things I've done just the things that have been troubling me, and my pitiful attempts at getting over them.
Right where do I start...?

Last week, probably a good start... On Saturday I went up to Hoington to do some shooting, it was a really good morning and I would have like to have spent the rest of the day there and got to play with those nice little L98's but that wasn't going to be as I had to get to town to by Claires presents. I came home with Claire when she finished work and we messed about until Will turned up and the three of us headed to Haynes' party. It was a good laugh actually, and possible the first time me and Claire had been out to a party together, it felt very nice to show her of and know I was one of the few guy there to be 'getting it' that night! hehe. I can't remember what I did Sunday, Oh yeh... Emma came over and spent the day at mine, it was great actually a chance to relax and chat and organize our D of E stuff, I ended taking her home bout 9.00pm 8 hours after she arrived. Cheers Em!

Monday was crappy as was just about everyday last week, nothing of consequence happened, other than upsetting Claire and being a general cunt, but I've spoken about all that crap in other posts. Wednesday was Claires birthday, it was awful in the morning' I was moody and I really upset her. She went home bout break time and I stayed at school. I went over after school to give her, her presents and a kiss and cuddle. It was excellent, we were both smiling and happy, it was such a shame it only lasted and hour of so, as Claire had to go out, and I had to get my brother. Before I went to bed I had a bit of a 'discussion' with mum about uni stuff, meaning I didn't really sleep very well. In the morning after getting ready to go to school I decided it would be better for everyone if I took a day of. So I got up late, helped in my room and finished my history essay. Friday was when everything got better, Claire was still feeling ill so wasn't in school, but she picked me up at lunch and we headed home. It was such a fantastic evening as I said in my last post.

Saturday was also equally great, I persuaded Claire she was to I'll for work and she was! so she took a day off!! This meant I got to spend a whole day with her since the summer holidays!!! In the morning my uncle came up to do the electrics in my room which I helped with, after he left we headed to town to get some bits for my mums birthday present. We got back and started our project, it involved a lot of maths which confused our little heads but once we sorted it out it was fine. Before I carry on I'll tell you what we actually made mum for her birthday, we painted a canvas to go in the living room when its all finished and I think it's going to look awesome! Claire stayed over again last night which was really nice, she sorta had to as we didn't finish the painting till 23.30!

Sadly this morning, I had to again leave my baby huddled up in a nice warm bed while I headed of to play rugby for cadets! I had to be in bury for 7.30 after picking up Will and Andy, so I finally crawled out of bed at 6.53! As you can imagine I wasn't best pleased! Rugby was ok apart from the 4 hours I spent on the coach today and the fact that we lost all our matches, but hey we had fun! Right!? I got home about 18.30, nearly 12 hours after I woke up! I was hoping to go to the BP garage and get some cash then head over to see Claire and her new CD player she had fitted in her car, but she's busy doing stuff, so I'm going to sit in and do... Homework I guess, YAY! (sarcastically)

There we go all up to date... How sad you must be to read all of this!
(end 19.52, 9/10/05)

Theres a magical feeling that so right...

Well I'm in a fantastic mood! I'm sitting in bed while I type this and Claire's asleep next to me. I skipped the end of school today to spend the afternoon with Claire as she wasn't feeling to well after her migrain yesterday. I'm so glad i did as i haven't stopped smiling, we watched robots, went to town, made ourselves a Chinese and have been playing all evening. I've really missed it being just us two. I have nothing to worry about when life is like this.
I'm getting really hot legs so I'm going to have to stop typing, put the laptop on the floor and curl up around my gorgeous Claire.

I'll blog tomorrow...

I find it easier to sit and stare...

Well I've finally finished my frigging essay! Hurray! Today's been an interesting one, I had a day of from school cause I was absolutely exhausted, I just needed to catch up on sleep and relax a bit. I have been über stressed these last couple of days with it coming to a head last night when I going pretty mental, I couldn't escape myself... It's a weird feeling, won't go into it.
I'm goin to bed now cause its late and im losing I'll be like I didn't have a day of in the morning. I'll blog about everything tommorrow.

Night all...

I look at you and smile because im fine...

Happy Birthday Clairey!!!!

Today its Claire’s 19th Birthday, she’s now two years older than me, Blimey! Oh well that’s only for another 10 days. I was really moody with her this morning and I've ruined her day! She’s in town with her dad at the moment... I hope she’s ok... I feel so bad! I have to sort myself out and stop being so mean. It's really not fair on her. I'll go over there tonight and giver her, my presents, I can only spend a few hours there though, because I have to pick my brother up and Claire’s going out. Which really sucks but there’s nothing either of us can do about it. I hope we’re spending the whole of my birthday weekend together!

I love you Claire!

If I found all that I wanted, It would be a beautiful dream...

Well tomorrows Claire's Birthday, I'm not looking forward to it as immensely as I should or have been. Mainly because I barely get to see her on her big day. As her boyfriend I sort of feel like I should be with her to celebrate her birthday, but it won't be the case this time round... It may not even be for a few years. Shes seeing her dad in the morning and coming to school mid-afternoon. So I will see her then, if only briefly. I'll see her after school for an hour or so, enough time to give her my presents I guess. Then I have to leave so she can go out with her mother. I would liked to have stayed there tonight, so I could wake up surprise her and wish her happy birthday. But the plans also been scrapped. Oh well... I'll take her out for her birthday meal, just the two of us, next Tuesday...

I have this history essay in for tomorrow, on the 'problems faced by Henri IV', really can't be arsed to write it. I'm tired, grouchy and just want to be somewhere else. Claire was really upset this morning, and it was all my fault, cause I'm tired and moody I don't talk and am short and snappy. It killed me to see her crying over me! No one has ever cried over me. All I want at the moment is just to spend a whole day and night with Claire, I haven't for weeks and weeks. Its what she changed her hours for apparently but I haven't spent a Saturday with her since... I honestly can't remember when.

Right I'm gona finish this later... hopefully I'll write something slightly more entertaining or just a bit more upbeat.
(19:13)

I'm sorry to carry on but I've just heard some bad news from mum over dinner, so my mood hasn't been helped by any stretch.
(20:00)

I'm bored! I need to get away from everything, I specially need to get away from school. I've asked Marc if he wants to come away with me next month, I hope we can get it sorted soon, I need something to take my mind of everything.
(22:07)

I'm wrapping Claires presents, I'm feeling a little better now. I'm tired though. I also haven't finished my essay, so I'm going to have to lie some more.
(00:02)

Well I've finished Claire's presents now, and I'm shattered I need to get to bed. Still haven't finished my essay, and I'm not attempting it now! I feel quite ill actually. I haven't got a clue what tomorrow will be like, I hope its ok. Night all...
(00:55)

Why can’t we pantomime, just close our eyes...

Why am I getting wound up so easily!?, Why am I getting on a hell of a lot better with some people than others at the moment!?, Why am I not making an effort!?
I just feel generally angry and resentful right now. I want to say 'Fuck it!' to everything and just disappear of somewhere. Go somewhere with a mate and just relax and talk. Sunday was brilliant, Emma spent most of the day at mine, we just chatted the whole time, the day just vanished, before we knew it, it was nine o'clock and time to take her home. However much I love Claire and how much I love talking to her, it was nice just to talk to someone else about there life and here there views on things.

I'm getting very irritable around Claire, only at school really. I hate it, I really hate it, but I just can't help myself. I know it hurts her, but when I'm felling crappy I just find myself spiraling into a hole rather than being brought out of it. I hate myself for it. Everything thing that doesn't go just how I want it to digs at me. For example, I wanted to take Claire out for her birthday, but her mum wants to take her. So Tuesday nearly a week after her birthday is the nearest day I can take her out. God know why but that really wound me up today. The whole birthday thing is to much hassle...
I've had some really good thing happen in the last couple of days, and I've been in quite a good mood this evening and on and of over the weekend. But at the moment I'm tired and grouchy and can't be bothered to talk about them.

I'm going to bed to try and clear my head... I know it won't work...

Actually that picture has calmed me a little, looking through those east coast photos may even have put a small smile on my face... I like life then.

Sorry Claire xxx