I stay up as late as I can...

I'm sitting at my computer chair and very oddly i'm facing a different way from my computer screen. But there is a reason, I have my gorgeous girlfriend falling asleep in my bed next to me, so the kind considerate boyfriend that I am, I’m using her laptop rather than my old steam engine of a 'personal computer'.
Of which I am usually slaving at while writing my most inner feelings as I pollute the world with soot and hamster droppings from the ancient machine.

Anyhoo... Yesterday morning Claire turned up at my house just as I was getting into the shower, Anyway a few hours later I was ready and we were on our way to Walsham. After collecting the key we headed of to the Church, I was less excited by our mission than I had previously been, but once in the church, my excitement grew. You will all, every single one of you in unison say "Right..." when I tell what we went to do but I found it bloody interesting. Claire has set herself a sort of challenge in finding out about these group of people who rang one of the first recorded peals in Walsham church. In the tower of the church, up the stairs in the belfry around the windows, all over the place, ringers have carved or written there names. So we were recoding the names and dates trying to find some matches to the first ringers. We had names from as early as 1627, now that’s old, so being a history student that is why I got excited. After recording a lot of the names we sneaked up onto the roof of the tower, and what an awesome sight. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and so you could see for miles... Me and Claire planned to come back... as we didn't get time to finish recording the names...

After leaving the church we rushed of to Ixworth for me to renew some massively overdue books and to have a spot of lunch. I can highly recommend the cafe on the high street, just the cakes were a little over priced. After a very relaxing sit in the sun having a quite chat over bacon sarnies and vanilla milkshakes we headed back to Walsham to pick up all of Claire textiles stuff as she would be staying at mine for the next few days and had a mountain of work to do like me, but she unlike me has the drive to do it.

In the evening we walked down the road to the Bull to finally have a meal, as the last two times we haven’t been able to. It was really nice actually, just us in there all night and Franky waitoring on us which was quite comical. We just sat and chatted all evening, about a lot of things but sadly we got talking about our pasts... Claire learned some things about me and I learned some things about her... I really wished we'd not got onto the topic but as we had I wanted to know more things. Learning about the past didn't bother me that much, it was just talking about the one person that always gets me... So we both left the pub in thoughtful moods...

As she’s lying next to me asleep she looks so sweet and perfect, and I wish it was like that when we'd met. But so much stuff has happened to her, many guys have been and gone... It leaves you feeling a bit hollow. With only ever one relationship other than this I feel... I don't know left out? Out of my depth? It makes me feel strange I can't explain it thouroly, I guess jealousy is the nearest thing... There the one name, person that really cuts at me, I’ve never met him, I don’t know who he is but just knowing that he was with Claire really winds me up and I really don’t know why. To make me feel better she told me how much she loved me and how we'd never end... But however much I believe her and I do, she loves me more than I love her I think sometime... it just makes me think to who and how many times has she said it before. She says I am the last of the many but I want to be the first and last. Oh well its all in the past and I need to get over it...

We got up very late today, but even though we had plans the day sort of fell apart and we haven’t left the house all day. We had planned to go to the beach with JJ and everyone for his party but the leaving time moved from 2 to 4 which meant there wouldn't be much of the sun left to enjoy once we we're there. Claire was feeling a bit under the weather and we both had work to do, her a textile project and me a load of reading for my history project. So in the end we just stayed in trying to make the best of being stuck inside in the hot weather. The highlight of today was probably watching TopGun before we came to bed. So all in all not a fantastic day but hey we were together...

I’m going to join Claire in bed know and try to get some shut eye…

I wanna kiss you every minute every hour everyday...

Well I'm in a great mood! As soon as Claire turned up last night and I could wrap my arms round her and kiss her gorgeous lips all my problems disappeared! I missed her so much! We went for a stroll after dinner and finally got to watch a sunset together, it was so beautiful. We couldn't keep our hands of each other last night, it was fantastic to be able to snuggle up and fall asleep with her wrapped up in me!


I have to do some work... I'm so glad she's home!

Troubled times...

Well i've just been flicking through some of my latest posts and I can't get over how up and down they are, like a yo-yo on a bungee cord! I don't know whats up at all. I should be so happy now, but i'm not... I'm really angry and the worst part is that I can't explain it, I really want to be in a good mood, but things keep hapening, or are said. Tiny little insignificant things that shouldn't mean anything, but they just make me cross. I've got to sort this out. Claire should be coming over later and I pray I feel better when I see her...

Ok I should go, I've already wasted today...

On your corner in the pouring rain...

Weird! I've just got back from my neighbors 40th party. I got dragged over there just over an hour ago, as I was getting ready for bed, to play hop-scotch. I got there and downed two largers and having not drunk anything all day and being absolutely shattered they hit me straight away! So now I feel a bit 'half cut'... I'm still annoyed with Claire. Well maybe not directly Claire just not being told correct information and it's bloody frustrated! I've not seen her for two weeks and she said she would be busy for and hour or so Sunday morning which was fine, but then tonight she tells me she won't be finished till at least 4 in the evening! It makes me think I don't come that high on her list of priorities. I intentionally tried to make myself as much free time this summer as I could. I could have been selfish and done ATC camps that would have lasted for at least 3 solid weeks...
Why didn't I, cause I love Claire so much and miss her loads when I'm away.

I've really wound myself up so I'm going to bed still in a god awful mood!

Sacrifice...

Foul mood!... Tired!... Going to bed!

Got to ask yourself the question, Where are you now?..

Damn it!! I'm feeling funny again! What’s wrong with me? I know I'm tired, I'm not feeling really down, just not myself.

Oh well... things will keep moving on and changing. I realized this sitting on the bus home from work today watching the fields and hedges flash pass the window as I thought all of the things that have happened to me in the last 18 months, and Jesus Christ so much has happened to me and I have changed so unrecognisably! Everyone knows so little about me! No one knows what I used to be like.




Life travels way to fast and is just accelerating, and it’s very easy to miss you stop... and easy to just jump on the closet bus and see where it takes you, this is what I'm afraid I'm doing. I haven't got any proper plans or destinations and I think I may be going places I don't want to...

...I love Claire... and at the moment she is all I really have that I know i can relly on, so can we keep it that way?

Make a wish, but not aloud...

I want to write something, but at the moment my mind is completely blank... which makes an unusual change from the last few days. I am really missing Claire, Sunday can't come soon enough, just want to wrap her up in my arms and kiss her and not let her go!

I've been working at Thorpe yesterday and today, which was good, it kept my mind busy and my body active. My arse still hurts from that cycle ride to East Harling! It was my last day today which was a bit sad cause it's such good fun, but i'm sure i'll be back next year! I have to work at Newmarket tomorrow and Saturday which really does suck! I hope i'm in a good area... oh well we'll see.

I'm of to bed, it'll be a tiring few days.

Later... and if i don't see ya good afternoon, good evening and good night!

And all I seem to feel...

Hey... Well I should be in bed I'm really tired. but I know as soon as my head hits the pillow instead of falling asleep quickly and quietly, my head will fill with all the thoughts I've subdued through the day and my body will suddenly become miraculous energetic. I don't no whats up with me lately... I think its because I'm tired I feel like this... but I never used to feel like this when became tired. I feel really low and everything that shouldn't hurt me does, and my tolerance for anything falls to rock bottom and my jealousy of everything shoots through the roof. I want someone here to hug, but I want to be on my own and sulk like a little kid. Even yesterday after an amazing weekend, I got a few minutes just for my mind to be with itself and all these feelings returned, a deep, slow anger rising up from the depths of no-where, just to feel frustrated that this very second of my existance not quite everything is as I want it...

What the hell am I writing! I'm so tired I can't even remember what I've written, I just want some one to tell me how much I mean to them and who I cant feel angry or jealous about and just for them to be with me as I fall asleep...

Be Young, Be Foolish, Be Happy...

Well it's the morning after the weekend before... and what a f**king weekend! It was awesome, great weather, great mates and great music. After saying goodbye to Claire again on Friday I headed over to Will's, and then we we're on our way with Marc driving... We found Will's nan's house fairly easily even though at one point we went around a round about 3 times. Instead of falling asleep ready for a long weekend we were awake till 2 or 3 in the morning talking, texting and cracking jokes.

We woke up to a fried breakfast, and were all on our way to Hylands Park by 11.30. We got into the main arena I time to see some of Goldy Looking Chain and the then The Departures started playing and the beginning of our first festival! While watching GLC, JJ was grabbed by some model scouts and asked to go back stage and have some photos taken! We we're all gobsmacked, and hoping it was going to be an elaborate wind-up. But it was the truth so while JJ went back stage we sat and star spotted, seeing the dumb fat bird from Big Brother and loads of cast members from Holyoaks. He returned 15 minutes later a little dazed but still in own clothes! lol!
After a great set by The Departures, Magic numbers came on, who were also pretty good. We headed over to the V stage to catch some Jet before returning to catch the last couple of songs by KT Tunstall. We worked our way to the front for Good Charlotte which was good but we really weren't there usual crowd. We saw Maroon 5 next and what a performance! It was excellent!


Me and god knows how many thousands of people watching Maroon 5!

Iain, Will and JJ headed of to see Kaiser Chiefs before Maroon 5 finished but me and Marc stayed to the end and I'm glad we did. We still got back to listen to some of Kaiser Chiefs through the crowds. Sadly we missed the Doves performance to go and see Oasis, even though we we're so far from the stage it was still a wicked performance finishing with just enough time to see Chemical Brothers finish, signaling the end of our first day at V! We were home with in an hour and a half not that it felt it. It's really strange how fast the time flew this weekend, hours went like minutes. Even when there was 40 minutes between bands it didn't feel like a wait, I think it's all to do with the company you keep! We we're all in bed by 2.00 but the talking carried on, until... I don't know when cause I passed out...

We all woke up a bit later than we ought to have had but after scoffing another fried breakfast we were on our way back to Day 2 of the V festival! We got in and headed straight for the main stage. Rooster were on first with a great set shortly followed by Idlewild who were also brilliant. By now we had worked our way right to the front and our plan of the day was to keep the same spot all day so we were at the front for Sissor Sisters. Tony Christie was up next... not that anyone could care any of his song except for Amarillo it was still a laugh and gave us some time to eat lunch. Joss Stone was up next and although she finished 10 minutes early she gave a great performance and looked even better! ;-) Athlete we're up next and what a f*cking performance! Defiantly one of my high points for the weekend. I think we made Joal cry, when the whole audience sung along to wires...


I see it in your eyes...

Next up were Embrace who also really got the crowd going! Franz Ferdinand came next playing old and new stuff and all of it rocking the crowd. At about 9.45 Sissor Sisters came on and our plan had worked we were still right near the front. The five of us in an awesome mood just clapped, sung, jumped and danced the night away! They were absolutely brilliant singing all our favorites. At about 20 to 11 they disappeared of stage only to return with Franz and numerous giant fluffy creatures and bizarre characters! We couldn't have asked for a better finish to an amazingly awesome weekend!


What more do I need to say...


V Festival weekend in two words? ... Fuck Yeah!

My life is brilliant, My love is pure...

Well I'm back home now... first time since Tuesday morning. I've been at Thorpe Woodlands with Marc having a good laugh trying to keep my mind of Claire and it's been relatively successful we've done tons this week and had a great laugh. This song that I'm listening to is utterly genius, Marc was trying to play it on Martin's guitar and we've both been singing it and think its amazing, and for Marc it's quite personal.

My life is brilliant... Not the most apt sentence at the moment, but even though I'm slightly disappointed about my results I've still got a year to sort them out, and I've got Claire and great friends and even some money, so life is still pretty damn good!

Well we're of to V this Friday, I'm hoping it's going to be awesome, Me, Will, Marc, JJ and Iain, I think it fair to say we're gonna have pretty good time!

Claire's coming home tonight and I really can't wait to see her, it not fair that she has to go away for another week on Saturday so after tommorow I won't see her untill at least the 28th :-(

Its such a fine and natural sight...

I miss Claire! and its only been a day! Friday seems ages away!! Hopefully working at Thorpe Woodlands this week will make the time fly...

I worked both Friday and Saturday at Newmarket this week, bloody long, and tiring but it was quite enjoyable and I made some new mates. I'll find out on Friday how much I've earned, I'm hoping it'll cover the costs of my new platypussy's and harness. Can't wait till that gets into the shop, be soooooo cool!

I have absolutely nothing of interest to say at the moment so I'll stop talking...

...and leave you with a picture...

I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now...

Well I'm sitting here, listening to all kinds of random music, sipping at a very interesting tasting orange and lemonade. I'm half way through packing my kit away, having come back from a little expedition to the east coast with eight great mates of mine.

Me, Will and Emma started planning for our exped Thursday evening with the intention of leaving Sunday morning and returning today. And amazingly with only about a day and a half preparation we were we're ready and raring to go with most things sorted.
So Sunday morning after packing, unpacking and then again re-packing my kit I was ready, Emma picked Me and mike up and we headed to Framlingham, our start point. All eight of us managed to get to the start point within half an hour of each other and after purchasing some supplies for the day we were of. (Eight of us because Marc wasn't meeting us till the second day) The first days walking was a good laugh, walking through pleasant Suffolk countryside towards Saxmundum our first nights camp. We spent the evening hussing frizbes around and loosing the first one into a tree 2 meters from out campsite! and playing in the kiddies play park! Wooooh! I think we slightly over did it on the BBQ'ing front as we had tons of burgers and sausages left over, even after a second BBQ'ed breakfast.

First Day!!

It was really good to see Marc's cheeky grin appear at about 10.30 after all the jobs had been done and the tents had been packed. We set of in even higher spirits than the day before cracking jokes and just messing about generally. It was great that we we're doing it of our own backs and not having to stick to DofE rules... meaning me and JJ could stop in on a very pleasant local for a drink while we ate our lunch. Our finishing point for the day had been decided as Dunwich, one small problem however was the lack of campsite...

On Dunwich Beach!!

So after much freezing nuts off, fish and chips and fannying around we decided that we would stay on the beach that evening. It was superb actually, we set up our tents just the other side of the gravel bank that runs the length of the beach. We soon lost our second and last frizbe into the marshes, so the rest of the evening was taken up with card games, chatting, drinking whisky and wine, star gazing, watching the gorgeous sunset and for some looking out, paranoid that we were about to be arrested for trespassing. It was a brilliant night, I sat on the bank with the waves softly crashing on the shore behind me, while I watched the sun set over the trees... I really wish I could have shared it with Claire.

:-) Great guys!!

In the morning having not been aressted or asked to move on we struck our tents, cooked breakfast and packed our kit ready for our walk up to Warbleswick. The sun was hot but a slight breeze made it a very pleasant day, we all ended up with red faces by the end of the day. We spent several hours at Warbleswick crabbing, and digging holes in the sand. Great fun!!

Everyone caught Crabbs!!

At about 2.00 we decided we should better head to our last campsite in Southwold, so after three ferry trips and some lunch we set of on the short walk to the campsite. We quickly set up the tents and some of the guys headed of down to the beach for a quick swim, while me and Emma relaxed and sorted out some kit. While everyone was showering me Emma and JJ headed of into Southwold to book a table for our exped meal. JJ chose and 'interesting' restaurant on the pier, Me and Emma weren't overly impressed but in the end everything was fine. We met the rest of the guys on the way back to the campsite all dressed up and no where to go, as we had and hour and a half wait for our table. So everyone just sat and chatted in a shelter over looking the sea, it would have been great had it not been grey and freezing! but it was still a good laugh, JJ and Iain disappeared for a while to buy more whisky and some larger for the evening. We finally made our way to the restaurant and started our meal, well once they remembered that half of us had actually ordered the soup! We had a real good laugh, with good food, good drink and good company. All the keys to a great night out!

The Exped meal!!

By leaving time the weather had worsened and the rain had started, so we had a very quick walk back to the campsite, but there was still time for some photos, as always. At the campsite the weather had cleared so we decided it would be much fairer on the locals if we went down to the beach to drink and mess around. So the nine of us stumble onto the beach. Will had brought a couple of glow sticks along, and its amazing how much fun you can have with them. As the evening wore on it got hotter and EVERYONE's tops came of and even some trousers!!.. In JJ's infinite wisdom and the making of some fantastic photo opportunities, he squeezed a glow stick into his mouth sideways!!Everything was fine until he tried to remove it, it was one of those 'you had to be there moments' in a mixture of pain and hysterics! I don't think he'll do that again too soon! After some male nudity and acts of homosexuality (not all by JJ) we headed back to the campsite for a game of cards before bed.

Southwold Beach!!

We all woke late, sweating in our sleeping bags as the early morning sun cooked our tents. Over breakfast we decided what we would do for our last day, in the end it was decided we couldn't be arsed walking, so we all just stayed on the beach, bodyboarding, digging, building sand castles, drinking and eating. In the afternoon Claire came to spend a couple of hours with us before she took, Emma, mike and me home. It was great to see her, I was missing her loads, I don't know how I'm going to find the next couple of weeks...

Well the past few days have been brilliant, I've learnt some things about some people and just reinforce other feelings... I think we should make things like this a little bit more regular.
Sadly I have to work Friday and Saturday but hopefully JJ's beach party is on Sunday which should be wicked, then I can't wait to start work back that Thorpe Woodlands on Monday. Its gona be a big/cool week. Thursday is results day which I have mixed feelings about but then the weekend is the V festival, Me, Marc, Will and JJ, its gona be great!!


Last Day!

Anyway I still haven't had a shower and its nearly midnight...

Put my heart in your hands...

Today... Day one of our exped! I'm slightly nervous but I'm sure it'll be fine. We're cadets we always work something out....

I'm gona miss Claire loads this week.

To Claire... I love you loads and I'll come over and see you when I get back, ring me and text me as much as you can. Love you Claire

Saurus

Just lay next to you...

Well... I'm really hungry! I'm in quite a good mood really :-) Claires at tescos and I've just polished my boots and am waiting for my dinner to be nuked. Oh it's ready... it looks quite interesting, like a big lump of melted... stuff, but hey its food and its just about edible. Speaking of food I went out for a really nice meal with Claire last night after work. It would have been a fantastic meal had the service been any good, but hey I spent all night wit Claire so what more could I ask for!! As I mentioned I worked yesterday, at my 3rd job in a week! I've gone from no jobs to no money to 3 jobs and some money! lol. It wasn't to bad working for Nemco, helping Taff out on a plumbing job.

I had to go to cadets so I didn't finish, its Friday morning now...
Anyway I'm still in a really good mood even though I think I should be stressing slightly. My fantastic girlfriend has hidden loads of cheeky messages around my room, and I keep finding new one and I can't help but smile! I love Claire! Her phones in the shop at the moment and its really hard staying in touch, its amazing how much we rely on mobiles! I should be stressing cause the walk me and will have planned is supposed to start Sunday and so far we still haven't got any campsite, but I'm sure it'll be fine.

Right well I'm of, I have loads of stuff to do...