You choked down all your anger...

I’m sitting on my bed, and have been for most of the day. Occasionally moving to get food or hot drinks. I am surrounded by Bank letters university paperwork, opened envelopes and all other various forms of paperwork. From my small laptop speakers The Goo Goo Dolls come pouring out to fill my ears with powerful lyrics. Today has been one of the worst days I’ve had for a while, a real downer. On a positive note I have sorted several bits of very important financial stuff to do with university and my accommodation, and brought most of my books for my course. Most people would see this as exciting however I’m just filled with a sense of dread and fear. There are points in the day when I get excited about uni life, meeting new people and having fun but then the whole realty that I’m embarking on a 3 year course that I am completely unsure is right for me. I found myself today looking and different uni's and courses and getting excited about them, only to be brought back down to earth with the heavy knowledge 'I’ve already made my decision'. I guess I’ll just have to see how it goes, there's no backing out even if I wanted too.
The second thing that has severely hampered this surprise day of is the fact that is over 24 hours since I last heard from my girlfriend. There is no reason that she can't get hold of me and the excuse 'I have no signal' is not a valid one. I'm am sure there is a phone she could use failing that she could borrow someone else’s, If I’m at work and don't communicate with her for a day I get it in the neck so receiving about 5 messages in a week just doesn't make me feel great. Especially when one of the guys she is away with is her ex boyfriend, great hey!?

Well I’m going to try and find someone that can make me smile, but I fear those people are unavailable at the moment.

'Iris'...

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am