I'm not exactly sure what I should say, Everything I do is a mistake...

Please lets not get into this tonight
See its easy and its what you like
Don’t call me foolish cause
I'm not I'll be the lover when I want…

Well I'm sitting in my wonderfully comfortable double bed alone... listening to some very thought provoking Jimmy Eat World just trying to relax myself. Life is very stressful at the moment with exams appearing on my time table and universities inviting me for interviews, let alone the other things sticking their feet in the door of my life, like endless forms for seemingly endless courses that I’m signed up to stripping me of the very limited free time I seem to have at the moment. I’m not even going to cadets to try and buy myself some more precious hours of these short, tiresome days. So fair I’ve battled my way through two exams leaving 3 to go, ‘only three’ you say, but exams begin to resemble the rest of your life when you realize that they are the only way you are getting into university, and delaying you from entering the world of proper work for a further three years.

Talking of work is been an angry word sitting at the back of my mind for a while now, I am broke, skint, penniless, I must be nearly £200 in debt owing about £70 to my girlfriends and a further £60 to a guy a school. Without a proper income other than the governments handout of £30 a week to my moth filled bank account I have no other stable income. I have £50 coming from a scholarship I attained under false pretenses and hopefully a further £100 from our generous Labor government for attending my exams. So hopefully by the end of January I should have attained £270, which should cover my debts and leave some spare change for buying my lunch! I need a job; I need to start raising some cash to go to uni, since I spent what was left of my life savings to pay for my laptop.

Because of the pressures of school, money and work I find myself tired and grouchy ever more frequently. I’m getting wound up with Claire really easily and other things that aren’t going just how I want them or am used to.

I was walking the dog today along the fields I noticed the similarity of the crisp winter wind draining the energy away from the batteries in my camera, then my MD player and how numb and cold my fingers were, I realized how much a need to get away, away from the grayness of life, of school and of home.

At the moment I cant see any escape things just keep cropping up, my life is almost all planned out until September, now that’s depressing…